An Attempt to Eff the Ineffable - Transcript of “Knock, knock. Who’s There? Benedict Cumberbatch.” from BBC comedy sketch show “Lewis Macleod is Not Himself ” S1E01 (x)
It does a great job with imitating Benedict’s and Martin’s voice and delivery - and its observations are hilariously absurd yet not untrue at the same time.
“Benedict”: Morning, Tim! Tim Bowler, Timbory-Tim, Timbory, Tim, Timbory Tim, Timboree! What are you doing?
“Martin”: Oh, er, you know, I’m just, you know, er … gazing despairingly at the camera like a perplexed hamster, as is my duty as the put-upon everyman character.
“Benedict”: Well, well, you know, just to whisper in your shell-like [?] *laughs raucously* - the new guy starts today. I said you could show him the ropes.
“Martin”: Fine, er … when’s he coming?
“Benedict”: [Sherlock voice] I’ve been observing you from the reception area for the last half an hour. That is to say, I’m already here. Don’t feel bad for not noticing me sooner. When I stand very still and don’t speak, I can easily be mistaken for an incredibly ornate and attractive hat stand. The kind you find in an antique shop that doesn’t have any price tags. Don’t touch - you can’t afford. Hello.
“Martin”: Good … er … yeah, good gracious. Erm, what are you?
“Benedict”: My name is long and ridiculous, like my face. They call me Benedict Cumberbatch.
*fairy tale harp chords* [medieval choral chant] Ben-ne-dict Cum-ber-baaatch!
“Benedict”: Don’t worry, that always happens.
“Martin”: Uh, OK, right, yeah. Um, OK, well, so, let’s give you the tour. Well, we’ve got, you know, the photocopier here …
“Benedict”: Pish, posh, and Duchy biscuits. You don’t think I actually care about your tedious office, do you?
“Martin”: Well, no, but I sort of imagined you’re here because -
“Benedict”: Oh, you beautifully obtuse turnip of a man. I’m here because after Sherlock and the Hobbit, I’m now contractually obliged to appear in everything you ever do, shall do, have done, have so much as considered doing – don’t you understand, we go together like bangers and mash, like cream tea and scones, like a put-upon everyman character actor and a big posh flamboyant manic pixie dream boy with cheekbones you could balance a BAFTA on.
Is it a man? Is it several hyper-intelligent cats sitting on one another’s shoulders wearing a latex man-suit? Or is it an incredibly sexy horse that’s learned to walk on its hind legs and talk very very very fast?
“Martin”: Um … sorry, could you repeat all that please?
“Benedict”: No time, get down with me beneath the stairs.
“Martin”: Why? Is there someone going to try to kill us or something? Or …
“Benedict”: [dramatic low voice] No, we just need to get uncomfortably close to one other and gaze homoerotically into each other’s eyes. Can you feel the tension? Can you? Can you … do you want to give me a little kiss? Oh you mustn’t - I’m an alabaster Adonis, don’t touch me!
“Martin”: Um, yeah, OK. Erm, bit weird, er … but still, less annoying than that Gervais guy. Erm, look, erm … how much longer is this going to go on for?
“Benedict”: For the rest of your life.
“Benedict”: Now, if you don’t mind, I have to exit dramatically through a window or something, for no reason other than it looks fantastic. Bye for now, put-upon everyman character actor. Remember my name.
“Martin”: *sighs* Ahhhh - I’ll never forget you, Bumblebee Cuttlefish!
OMFG!! This is fantastic!! *still laughing!*
EXCUSE ME BUT THIS RING. NO ONE NOTICED IT?????
Actually I’ve seen people mention it since the first episode.
It’s Capaldi’s wedding ring. He never takes it off, even when acting.
To add to the story, he refuses to take it off because when his acting career was struggling, his wife never gave up on him. When he landed his first major gig, he decided to not take it off, to represent he was there because of his wife’s support.
WHEN YOU TELL A FRIEND A JOKE AND THEY CALL IT DUMB
IT WAS JUST SO DUMB
UR SO DUMB
UR THE DUMBEST!!!!!
I SAID UR!!!!!!! THE DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m just going to… leave these here…
Those were self defence. Mary shooting Sherlock wasn’t. Unless, ‘let me help’, is a threat.
Mary didn’t ‘murder’ Sherlock. And before you say that he flat lined - he’s still alive. If she wanted to kill him, she would have done.
The balance of probability is that she intended to kill him since he flat-lined and doctors were getting ready to call a, ‘time of death’, on him. He only came back through incredible will power: not something that Mary would have foreseen, necessarily.
There was no reason for Mary to shoot Sherlock, at all. Let alone to gravely wound or kill him.
She shot a hole through a spinning coin falling through the air.
I’m pretty sure if she wanted to kill Sherlock she would’ve been able to do so with her eyes closed with one hand behind her back.
And in all fairness, she did warn him. And yes, she did have reason to, because she couldn’t have protected her identity and therefore her relationship with John - whom she loves very much - if Sherlock and John saw her killing Magnussen.
And the last time I checked, murder is still murder, whether it be in self defense or not. But for some reason, no one bats an eyelid when it’s John or Sherlock or Moriarty pulling the trigger.
self-defence is not murder, though. Like morally or legally.
I think that her shooting the coin proves that she intended to kill Sherlock: with that level of accuracy she would have never shot him in such a way that he almost died, if she were trying to keep him alive. Her shot was 99% likely to kill him and 1% likely that he’d fight and miraculously live. That means her shot to maim was a failure. And she’s an incredibly good shot: it makes no sense.
That makes zero sense. If she wanted to kill him she’d have shot him in the head, or the heart, or some vital organ.
If she wanted to kill him she wouldn’t have called the ambulance.
If she wanted to kill him she could have done it at literally any point in that episode.
I’m pretty sure if your husband was just downstairs and your entire marriage and future family was at risk because there was a chance your past might be exposed, and then you had to deal with your husband’s BFF interfering, you wouldn’t really be on top of your game either, and your aim might be a little off too.
I will granted you the head shot, heart shot thing.
We don’t know that she called the ambulance, that’s just what Sherlock said.
We don’t know how Mary thinks because we no longer know who she is. That reasoning applies to old Mary, new Mary is an unknown quantity.
She is still the same Mary. She is the Mary who is carrying John Watson’s child. She is the Mary who encouraged John to forgive Sherlock. She is the Mary who married John. She is the Mary who helped get John from the bonfire. She is the Mary who encouraged John and Sherlock to spend time together. She is the Mary who helped John get through the grieving process. She is the Mary who would go to any lengths to protect John - to protect her family.
She is Mary Watson, desperately in love with her husband. She is fearless and brave and admirable.
She is Mary Watson, John Watson’s wife. She bakes her own bread and she loves cats and she is a nurse and a lib dem and she has a secret tattoo. She is still the same Mary.
It’s just that we know more about her past now. And a person’s past does not define their present or determine their future.
We don’t know why she did any of those things because we don’t know her real identity.
We don’t know if she’s carrying John’s child. A lot of seeds of suspicion were planted during TSoT about she and David.
I’m not saying that how she acted wasn’t revealing of her real character, I’m just saying, we don’t know. Because as Sherlock said she is or was, ‘a intelligence agent’. We don’t know if her old life is behind her or not.
I loved the way Mary was with John, too. She was warm and wonderful. But, since there’s been a major plot twist, I can no longer feel the same way about her as I used to. I simply can’t trust her because I don’t know what her role in John’s life is: how do I know that she’s not been assigned to be John’s wife to get close to Sherlock and kill him? Why would I believe that she, ‘was’, instead of, ‘is’, an intelligence agent?
She has shown that she is a very skilled agent and very calm under pressure: I have no reason to believe that she was frazzled when she shot Sherlock.
The point of her being awesome before was to make this betrayal all the more painful. The point of her betrayal is that know we don’t know what to think of her; it’s not that we all love her, anyway.
The entire point of her character and her story arc was that she did it to protect her life with John. She did everything she did to ensure they stayed together. Why would she have cheated on him, and then proceeded to protect their marriage like that?
The only other thing I can think of is that it’s an assignment. Since she could still be an active agent in the field. Maybe, it’s her job to do what she’s done. \_o_o_/
time will tell what part of her persona was real and what part was manufactured. If she dies heroically, she will be redeemed and we will know that some or even a lot of her good side was truthful. If she’s shown to be a bonafide villain then we’ll know that most of her good side was an act or an embellishment.
I can’t even read this whole thing but I know its reblog worthy